HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM
When Parents Stop Parenting, Our Children Are Left to Navigate an Adult World Before They Are Ready
There is a phrase Americans have used for decades whenever something has gone seriously wrong:
“Houston, we have a problem.”
This time, however, the emergency isn't hundreds of thousands of miles away in space.
It is much closer to home.
It is in our communities.
Our schools.
Our neighborhoods.
Our churches.
Our smartphones.
And, yes, sometimes around our own kitchen tables.
We have a generation of children growing up in a society that is increasingly uncertain about what children need, what parents are supposed to do, and whether words such as authority, discipline, obedience, morality, boundaries, and correction still belong in the conversation.
From a biblical perspective, they absolutely do.
The scriptural foundation for this discussion is simple:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6
Notice the responsibility Scripture places upon adults.
TRAIN UP A CHILD.
Not simply observe them.
Not surrender them to the culture.
Not ask an algorithm to raise them.
Not allow social media to establish their values.
Not expect schools to perform every responsibility that belongs in the home.
Train them.
And somewhere along the way, we have begun confusing loving our children with refusing to lead them.
PARENTS ARE MORE THAN COACHES
Words change.
Methods change.
Terminology changes.
And sometimes new approaches genuinely teach us something useful.
There is nothing inherently wrong with coaching children. Good parents coach.
There is nothing inherently wrong with facilitating learning. Good parents do that too.
There is value in listening to children, explaining decisions, understanding their emotions, encouraging healthy communication, and recognizing that every child has an individual personality.
But here is where we have to be careful:
A PARENT IS NOT MERELY A COACH.
A coach advises.
A parent has responsibility.
A facilitator helps someone navigate choices.
A parent must sometimes determine that a particular choice isn't available yet.
A friend may say, “Whatever you decide.”
A parent sometimes has to say:
“No.”
And that isn't cruelty.
That is parenting.
SOMETIMES LOVE SOUNDS LIKE “NO”
Modern culture can make parents feel guilty for establishing boundaries.
Will my child be angry?
Will they think I'm unfair?
Will they feel left out?
Will their friends have something they don't?
Will they like me?
Those feelings are understandable.
But parents cannot make being liked by their children the standard by which they determine whether they are parenting correctly.
Your child may not like every decision you make.
They aren't supposed to.
A ten-year-old and a forty-year-old should not have identical judgment because they don't possess identical maturity, experience, knowledge, or responsibility.
Sometimes love hugs.
Sometimes love listens.
Sometimes love encourages.
And sometimes love stands firmly in the doorway and says:
“YOU ARE NOT GOING THROUGH THERE.”
WHEN DID FEELINGS BECOME THE FINAL AUTHORITY?
Feelings matter.
Children should be able to tell us when they're frightened, confused, hurt, angry, lonely, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed.
We should listen.
But feelings are information.
THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS INSTRUCTIONS.
“I feel like doing this” doesn't automatically make something wise.
“I don't feel like doing that” doesn't automatically remove an obligation.
“I feel this is right for me” doesn't necessarily make something morally right.
Adults understand this every day.
I may not feel like paying the electric bill.
The electric company remains unimpressed.
I may feel like driving 90 miles per hour.
The speed limit doesn't change.
I may feel angry enough to say something destructive.
Wisdom tells me to control myself.
Part of growing up is learning that emotions are real while also learning that emotions must be governed by truth, wisdom, responsibility, and self-control.
If we don't teach children that lesson, adulthood eventually will.
And adulthood is often a much harsher teacher.
RIGHT AND WRONG STILL EXIST
This may be one of the greatest points of tension between biblical Christianity and modern culture.
The Bible doesn't teach that morality becomes true because we feel comfortable with it.
Scripture repeatedly presents God as the source of moral truth.
Psalm 19:8 declares:
“The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart...”
Hosea 14:9 similarly declares:
“For the ways of the LORD are right...”
That isn't a catchy church slogan.
IT IS A DECLARATION OF AUTHORITY.
Culture changes.
Language changes.
Popular opinion changes.
What society celebrates today may be condemned by society twenty years from now.
But Christians cannot continually rewrite biblical morality to ensure that Christianity remains fashionable.
If God calls something right, our responsibility is not to make it wrong.
If God calls something sinful, changing its name doesn't change its nature.
We can modernize terminology.
We can make wrongdoing sound sophisticated.
We can make sin marketable, fashionable, entertaining, or politically acceptable.
But repainting a warning sign doesn't remove the danger behind it.
CHILDREN ARE BEING ASKED TO CARRY ADULT-SIZED DECISIONS
This deserves serious consideration.
We increasingly live in a culture where children are exposed to adult subjects, adult pressures, adult choices, adult entertainment, adult technology, and adult conflicts at younger ages.
Yet maturity doesn't automatically accelerate simply because information does.
A child can operate a smartphone without understanding manipulation.
A teenager can access financial apps without understanding debt.
A young person can encounter sexualized content without possessing adult emotional maturity.
A child can repeat sophisticated political or cultural language without understanding the history or consequences behind it.
ACCESS TO INFORMATION IS NOT THE SAME AS WISDOM.
That's precisely why children need parents.
Their developing independence should be accompanied by increasing responsibility, guidance, wisdom, and age-appropriate freedom.
The objective isn't to control children forever.
The objective is to prepare them so well that one day they can wisely govern themselves.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BEING A KID?
My great-grandmama used to say:
“DON'T GET IN A HURRY TO GET GROWN. YOU'LL BE THERE SOON ENOUGH.”
There was tremendous wisdom in those words.
Childhood shouldn't simply be an abbreviated waiting room for adulthood.
Let children laugh.
Play.
Ride bicycles.
Make forts.
Read books.
Play sports.
Ask a thousand questions.
Use their imaginations.
Get grass stains.
Learn responsibility.
Attend church.
Spend time with grandparents.
Develop friendships.
Learn manners.
Learn how to lose without collapsing.
Learn how to win without becoming arrogant.
Learn that actions have consequences.
Teach them how to pray.
Teach them Scripture.
Teach them compassion.
Teach them to work.
Teach them that “I'm sorry” and “I was wrong” are signs of character, not weakness.
And give them increasing freedom as they demonstrate increasing maturity.
LET CHILDREN GROW—DON'T FORCE THEM TO ARRIVE.
Adulthood will come soon enough.
DISCIPLINE IS NOT A DIRTY WORD
For some people, the word discipline immediately brings to mind harshness, anger, humiliation, or abuse.
Those things are wrong.
Biblical discipline should never become an excuse for cruelty or violence.
But eliminating abusive discipline doesn't require eliminating discipline itself.
Discipline includes boundaries.
Consequences.
Correction.
Instruction.
Consistency.
Accountability.
Self-control.
Learning that choices produce results.
Hebrews 12:11 acknowledges something every parent understands:
“Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness...”
Healthy discipline isn't about a parent's anger.
It is about a child's formation.
THE OBJECTIVE IS NOT TO BREAK THE CHILD'S SPIRIT. IT IS TO BUILD THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
WE CANNOT OUTSOURCE PARENTHOOD
Schools have responsibilities.
Churches have responsibilities.
Coaches have responsibilities.
Pastors have responsibilities.
Counselors and qualified mental-health professionals can provide valuable help when children need their expertise.
Communities have responsibilities.
But none of these institutions can completely replace a parent.
The school can educate.
The church can reinforce biblical truth.
The coach can teach teamwork.
The counselor can help address particular difficulties.
But parents remain uniquely responsible for the day-to-day formation occurring inside their homes.
YOU CANNOT SUBCONTRACT THE RAISING OF YOUR CHILD AND THEN BE SURPRISED WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE'S VALUES COME HOME WITH THEM.
If parents don't intentionally teach values, something else will.
The Internet will.
Friends will.
Influencers will.
Entertainment will.
Algorithms will.
Advertising will.
Culture will.
Somebody is going to disciple your child.
The question is:
WHO?
THE SMARTPHONE MAY KNOW YOUR CHILD BETTER THAN YOU DO
That's worth thinking about.
Algorithms learn what catches a user's attention.
What they watch.
What they skip.
What makes them laugh.
What makes them angry.
What keeps them scrolling.
Meanwhile, families can live in the same house while barely speaking.
Parents on one screen.
Children on another.
Everyone connected to the world—
and disconnected from the person sitting ten feet away.
Technology itself isn't the enemy.
But technology without boundaries can become a powerful substitute teacher.
And that teacher has an agenda:
KEEP THEM WATCHING.
Parents need to know what their children are consuming.
Not because parents should become secret police.
Because guardians are supposed to guard.
WE KEEP CHANGING THE METHOD—BUT ARE THE RESULTS GETTING BETTER?
This is a question society needs enough courage to ask.
We have more parenting books.
More apps.
More information.
More experts.
More technology.
More methods.
More ways of communicating than any previous generation could have imagined.
Yet many parents still feel overwhelmed, and many young people are navigating extraordinary social, academic, digital, and cultural pressures.
Not every problem facing children can be blamed on parenting. That would be unfair and inaccurate.
Children make choices.
Schools matter.
Economics matter.
Neighborhoods matter.
Technology matters.
Peer groups matter.
Trauma matters.
Individual circumstances matter.
But acknowledging complexity doesn't absolve parents of responsibility.
WE CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING AROUND OUR CHILDREN.
BUT WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT WE BUILD WITHIN THEM.
That's where Proverbs 22:6 becomes so important.
Train them.
TRAINING REQUIRES INTENTION
Nobody accidentally trains for the Olympics.
Nobody accidentally becomes a surgeon.
Nobody accidentally learns a musical instrument at an elite level.
Training requires repetition.
Correction.
Practice.
Patience.
Standards.
Progress.
So why would we imagine character develops automatically?
Teach honesty.
Then model honesty.
Teach respect.
Then demonstrate respect.
Teach self-control.
Then let your children see you control yourself.
Teach prayer.
Then let them catch you praying.
Teach Scripture.
Then let them see you reading it.
Teach generosity.
Then let them watch you give.
Teach forgiveness.
Then apologize when you, the parent, are wrong.
That last one matters.
PARENTS DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE EFFECTIVE.
But we do need to be authentic.
THE BIBLE HASN'T BECOME OBSOLETE
Some will immediately dismiss biblical parenting as outdated.
The Bible comes from another age, they'll say.
The world has changed.
Of course the world has changed.
Solomon didn't have TikTok.
Paul didn't own an iPhone.
Moses never dealt with online gaming.
But technology changing doesn't mean human nature changed with it.
Children still need:
Love.
Security.
Truth.
Boundaries.
Correction.
Encouragement.
Belonging.
Purpose.
Examples.
Wisdom.
And ultimately, God.
The packaging changes.
THE HUMAN HEART DOESN'T CHANGE NEARLY AS MUCH AS WE THINK.
OUR CHILDREN ARE REAPING WHAT ADULTS HAVE SOWN
This may be the hardest part.
We like blaming “this generation.”
But who raised this generation?
Who built the culture?
Who bought the devices?
Who designed the platforms?
Who weakened the boundaries?
Who remained silent?
Who became too busy?
Who decided biblical standards were embarrassing?
Who handed children adult freedoms without always attaching adult wisdom?
WE DID.
That doesn't mean every parent failed.
Far from it.
Millions of mothers, fathers, grandparents, guardians, teachers, pastors, and mentors are faithfully investing in children every day.
But collectively, society cannot continually alter the foundations of childhood and then act astonished when the structure develops cracks.
Galatians 6:7 reminds us:
“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
Our children are increasingly living inside a world adults constructed for them.
So perhaps instead of merely asking:
“What's wrong with these kids?”
We should sometimes ask:
“WHAT HAVE WE TAUGHT THEM?”
PARENTS, TAKE BACK YOUR GOD-GIVEN PLACE
Not as dictators.
Not as tyrants.
Not as people who never listen.
But as parents.
Love your children enough to lead them.
Listen to them.
Laugh with them.
Know their friends.
Know their fears.
Know what they're watching.
Eat together.
Pray together.
Worship together.
Put the phone down sometimes.
Let them put theirs down too.
Set boundaries.
Explain why when appropriate.
Say yes when you can.
Say no when you must.
Correct without humiliating.
Discipline without abusing.
Encourage without flattering.
Give freedom appropriate to maturity.
And above everything else:
POINT THEM TOWARD JESUS CHRIST.
YOUR CHILD DOES NOT NEED YOU TO BE THEIR BEST FRIEND
Friendship may grow beautifully between parents and children.
Especially as children mature into adulthood.
But during childhood, your son or daughter needs something from you that their friends cannot provide:
A PARENT.
Someone responsible enough to see beyond Friday night.
Someone experienced enough to recognize danger before they do.
Someone strong enough to withstand:
“Everybody else's parents let them!”
Someone loving enough to risk temporary displeasure for long-term good.
And someone humble enough to admit when they got it wrong.
Your children will have many friends throughout life.
They only get a limited number of parents.
Don't surrender that position.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM
Yes.
We do.
But this isn't hopeless.
Parents can reclaim their responsibility.
Homes can rediscover Scripture.
Families can begin talking again.
Boundaries can be rebuilt.
Fathers can father.
Mothers can mother.
Grandparents can share wisdom.
Churches can support families rather than replace them.
Children can be permitted to experience childhood.
And biblical truth can again become a compass rather than an embarrassment.
The answer isn't returning to every parenting practice of 1950.
THE ANSWER IS RETURNING TO TIMELESS TRUTH WHILE WISELY PARENTING CHILDREN IN 2026.
There is a difference.
We don't need yesterday's technology.
We need yesterday's conviction that right still matters, wrong still matters, character still matters, parents still matter, and God still matters.
ONE DAY, THEY WILL LEAVE YOUR HOUSE
The toys will disappear.
The bedroom will become quiet.
The child asking endless questions will become an adult making decisions without you.
And then much of what you poured into them will be tested.
That is why today matters.
Every conversation matters.
Every boundary matters.
Every prayer matters.
Every example matters.
Every correction matters.
Every hug matters.
Every Bible lesson matters.
Every:
“Come sit down. We need to talk.”
matters.
You aren't merely raising a child.
YOU ARE PREPARING AN ADULT.
And from a Christian perspective, you're nurturing a soul who will one day stand before God.
That makes parenting one of the most serious—and beautiful—assignments anyone can receive.
THE WAYS OF THE LORD ARE RIGHT
Culture may disagree.
Popular opinion may shift.
The terminology may change.
But Scripture remains:
“For the ways of the LORD are right...” — Hosea 14:9
Parents, don't be embarrassed to build your home around that truth.
Love your children.
Listen to your children.
Understand your children.
Protect your children.
Prepare your children.
Correct your children.
Pray for your children.
And please—
LET YOUR CHILDREN BE CHILDREN.
Don't hurry them toward adulthood.
It will arrive soon enough.
My great-grandmama had it right:
“DON'T GET IN A HURRY TO GET GROWN. YOU'LL BE THERE SOON ENOUGH.”
Until then—
Train them. Guide them. Love them. And point them toward Jesus.
Because Houston, we have a problem.
But with God's help, we can still do something about it.
🙏 A PRAYER FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Heavenly Father, give parents wisdom for an increasingly complicated world. Help us distinguish between genuine progress and abandoning truths that should never have been surrendered. Teach us to listen without surrendering leadership, discipline without anger, establish boundaries without cruelty, and love our children enough to tell them the truth. Forgive us where we have failed. Help us begin again where necessary. Protect our children from influences they are not yet prepared to navigate, and give them the freedom to grow at the proper pace. Above everything else, help our homes point them toward Jesus Christ. May Your Word remain the compass when culture cannot decide which direction is north. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries International
Your Feet to the Nations
🌎 Ministry: pomitaly.homestead.com
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📰 Ministry Blog: joybells49.blogspot.com
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