PARENTS, YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU TO BE PARENTS
Friendship Is Wonderful—but God Gave You a Responsibility That Friendship Cannot Replace
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6
Parenting in today's world can feel enormously complicated.
Parents are raising children in an environment previous generations could scarcely have imagined.
Smartphones.
Social media.
Artificial intelligence.
Streaming entertainment.
Online gaming.
Influencers.
Peer pressure that follows children home through their phones.
Conflicting messages about morality, sexuality, identity, relationships, success, and truth.
Schools have influence.
Friends have influence.
Entertainment has influence.
Algorithms have influence.
Celebrities have influence.
The Internet certainly has influence.
And sometimes parents can feel as though they are competing against the entire world for the heart and mind of their own child.
But amid everything that has changed, something hasn't:
THE BIBLE HAS NOT CHANGED.
And neither has the responsibility God entrusted to parents.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, “PARENT” BECAME “FRIEND”
Let me say something that may make some people uncomfortable.
YOUR CHILD DOES NOT NEED ANOTHER BUDDY NEARLY AS MUCH AS YOUR CHILD NEEDS A PARENT.
There is nothing wrong with being close to your children.
There should be laughter.
Conversation.
Trust.
Affection.
Shared experiences.
Inside jokes.
Trips.
Meals together.
Listening.
Playing.
And hopefully, as children mature into adults, one of life's beautiful blessings is that the parent-child relationship can develop a genuine friendship as well.
But friendship is not the foundation of parental responsibility.
Parenting is.
A friend can say:
“Whatever makes you happy.”
A parent sometimes has to say:
“No.”
A friend may worry about being liked.
A parent must sometimes risk temporary displeasure to protect a child's long-term welfare.
That's different.
WHEN “DO YOU LIKE ME?” BECOMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN “AM I DOING RIGHT?”
Here is where trouble begins.
A parent establishes a rule.
The child becomes angry.
The parent feels guilty.
The child says:
“Everybody else's parents let them!”
Or:
“You don't trust me!”
“You're ruining my life!”
“You don't understand!”
“I hate you!”
Those words can hurt.
Especially when you've sacrificed for that child.
And suddenly the temptation arrives:
Maybe I should give in.
Why?
Not because the rule was wrong.
Not because new information changed the decision.
But because we cannot tolerate our child being unhappy with us.
That's when the warning light should start flashing.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
If keeping your child's approval becomes more important than doing what you believe is right, the roles have begun reversing.
The child is no longer being guided by the parent.
The parent is being governed by the child's reaction.
SOMETIMES LOVE SAYS “NO”
We have developed a strange definition of love.
We sometimes think love means making people happy.
It doesn't.
A loving parent may say:
No, you cannot go there.
No, you cannot stay out that late.
No, you cannot speak to your mother that way.
No, you cannot treat your brother like that.
No, you cannot have unlimited access to that app.
No, your phone does not belong at the dinner table.
No, you cannot ignore your responsibilities and expect privileges.
No, everybody else doing it does not make it right.
Children may dislike those answers.
That's okay.
Your assignment is not to win today's popularity contest.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS TO HELP PREPARE TOMORROW'S ADULT.
PROVERBS 22:6 STILL SPEAKS
“Train up a child in the way he should go...”
Notice the Bible says:
Train.
Training requires intentionality.
Repetition.
Correction.
Example.
Consistency.
Patience.
Instruction.
Boundaries.
Training doesn't happen accidentally.
We would never take a young athlete, give him a basketball, place him on a court, and say:
“Just follow your feelings.”
A coach teaches.
Corrects.
Demonstrates.
Repeats.
Disciplines.
Why?
Because ability requires development.
Yet somehow when dealing with something infinitely more important—character—we can become afraid to train.
CHILDREN ARE NOT BORN KNOWING EVERYTHING
This should be obvious, but our culture sometimes behaves as though children naturally possess enough wisdom to determine what is best for themselves.
They don't.
That's not an insult to children.
It's the definition of childhood.
Children need adults precisely because they are still developing.
They need someone to teach them:
This is right.
This is wrong.
This is wise.
This is foolish.
This is safe.
This is dangerous.
This is respectful.
This is disrespectful.
This is responsible.
This is selfish.
This is truth.
This is deception.
And yes—
THIS IS SIN.
If parents refuse to teach these distinctions, somebody else will.
MAKE NO MISTAKE: SOMEBODY IS DISCIPLING YOUR CHILD
That's one of the most important things Christian parents need to understand.
If you don't intentionally shape your child's worldview, the vacuum will not remain empty.
Someone will fill it.
Friends.
Teachers.
Influencers.
Musicians.
Movies.
Gaming communities.
TikTok.
YouTube.
Instagram.
Celebrities.
Internet personalities.
Algorithms designed to keep their attention.
The question is not whether your children are being influenced.
THE QUESTION IS WHO HAS THE GREATEST INFLUENCE.
And parents cannot outsource that responsibility and then act surprised by the result.
THE SCHOOL HAS A ROLE—BUT THE SCHOOL IS NOT MOM AND DAD
Teachers perform enormously important work.
Good teachers deserve our gratitude.
Schools can educate, challenge, mentor, and help children develop academically and socially.
But teachers were never designed to replace parents.
Neither was government.
Neither was the church.
Neither was a therapist.
Neither was a coach.
Neither was an app.
Neither was YouTube.
And certainly not TikTok.
All may influence children.
Some may provide tremendous help.
But the primary responsibility for raising a child belongs at home.
EVEN THE CHURCH CANNOT REPLACE YOU
This may surprise some Christian parents.
Sunday school is valuable.
Youth ministry is valuable.
Children's church is valuable.
Pastors and Christian teachers matter.
But dropping a child at church for a couple of hours each week cannot compensate for a home where God is otherwise absent.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 gives parents a picture of spiritual instruction occurring throughout ordinary life:
“And these words... thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children...”
Then Scripture describes talking about them while sitting at home, walking along the way, lying down, and rising up.
In other words:
FAITH WAS SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE.
Children should see Christianity outside Sunday morning.
They should see parents pray.
Forgive.
Apologize.
Read Scripture.
Give.
Serve.
Tell the truth.
Treat people kindly.
Admit mistakes.
Keep promises.
And seek God when life becomes difficult.
DON'T JUST TELL THEM—SHOW THEM
This is where parenting gets uncomfortable.
Children are extraordinary observers.
We can tell them:
“Don't lie.”
Then have them hear us lie.
We can say:
“Treat people respectfully.”
Then let them watch us humiliate someone online.
We can tell them:
“Church is important.”
Then allow everything else to outrank it.
We can tell them:
“Read your Bible.”
While they never see ours opened.
We can say:
“Put your phone down.”
While staring at ours during dinner.
Eventually children notice contradictions.
THE MOST POWERFUL BIBLE LESSON YOUR CHILD MAY EVER RECEIVE IS WATCHING YOU LIVE WHAT YOU SAY YOU BELIEVE.
“BUT I DON'T WANT MY CHILD TO RESENT ME”
Understandable.
Nobody wants that.
But parenting exclusively around avoiding resentment is dangerous.
A six-year-old may resent bedtime.
That doesn't mean sleep is harmful.
A twelve-year-old may resent restrictions on Internet access.
That doesn't make unrestricted access wise.
A sixteen-year-old may resent a curfew.
That doesn't make every hour of the night equally safe.
Your child may not understand today's decision until years later.
That's part of parenting.
Sometimes you must possess enough maturity for both of you.
DISCIPLINE IS NOT THE SAME AS ANGER
This distinction is essential.
Biblical parenting does not authorize abuse, humiliation, cruelty, uncontrolled anger, or violence.
Correction should not become revenge.
Discipline should teach.
Boundaries should protect.
Consequences should connect actions with responsibility.
Ephesians 6:4 also warns fathers not to provoke their children to wrath, but to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Biblical parenting therefore contains both:
AUTHORITY AND NURTURE.
Truth and love.
Boundaries and affection.
Correction and encouragement.
Children need both.
PARENTS NEED TO APOLOGIZE TOO
Authority doesn't make parents infallible.
We get things wrong.
We become impatient.
Misunderstand.
Speak too quickly.
React emotionally.
Make bad decisions.
When that happens, one of the greatest lessons you can teach your child is:
“I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
That does not weaken parental authority.
It demonstrates character.
Your child learns that adulthood does not mean never being wrong.
It means having enough integrity to acknowledge when you are.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE REPLACE SCRIPTURE WITH WHATEVER CULTURE CURRENTLY PREFERS?
Human knowledge can be tremendously useful.
Christians need not fear legitimate research in child development, education, psychology, medicine, or family studies.
Wisdom can help us become better parents.
But for Christians, human theories cannot become the final authority on morality.
Culture changes.
Trends change.
Parenting philosophies change.
Expert opinions change.
The Word of God remains.
Isaiah 40:8 says:
“The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.”
The Bible is not opposed to knowledge.
It gives us the foundation by which knowledge can be evaluated.
WITHOUT A MORAL COMPASS, WHO DECIDES WHICH WAY IS NORTH?
This is perhaps the deeper problem.
If there is no objective moral authority beyond ourselves, morality eventually becomes negotiable.
“What feels right to me.”
“What everybody else is doing.”
“What culture currently accepts.”
“What gets likes.”
“What makes me happy.”
“What my friends think.”
But feelings change.
Popularity changes.
Culture changes.
Truth cannot depend upon which direction today's wind is blowing.
Without a compass, a person can travel very confidently—
IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
For the Christian home, Scripture must remain that compass.
OUR CHILDREN ARE GROWING UP IN A VERY LOUD WORLD
Think about what today's young person encounters.
Notifications.
Advertisements.
Sexualized content.
Influencers.
Political messages.
Consumerism.
Comparison.
Online bullying.
Pornography.
Violence.
Artificially perfected bodies and lifestyles.
Constant pressure to perform.
Pressure to belong.
Pressure to define themselves.
Pressure to be noticed.
Pressure to accumulate followers.
And sometimes, remarkably little silence in which to ask:
“Who am I before God?”
Parents must intentionally create room for that question.
YOUR HOME SHOULD BE A SAFE PLACE FOR HARD QUESTIONS
Biblical parenting should never mean children are afraid to ask questions.
Let them ask.
“Why does God allow suffering?”
“How do we know the Bible is true?”
“Why can't I do what my friends do?”
“Why do Christians believe this?”
“What if I doubt?”
“What about science?”
“What about sexuality?”
“What about another religion?”
Don't panic.
Don't shame them for asking.
Talk.
Study.
Search Scripture together.
If you don't know the answer, say:
“I don't know. Let's find out.”
Faith capable of surviving adulthood must eventually become more than:
“Because Mom and Dad said so.”
DON'T WAIT UNTIL THEY'RE TEENAGERS
Character formation begins early.
Teach little children:
Please.
Thank you.
Tell the truth.
Share.
Don't hit.
Respect others.
Finish what you start.
Clean up what you mess up.
Keep your word.
Pray.
Say you're sorry.
Forgive.
Help somebody weaker than you.
Respect authority while understanding that authority must also behave responsibly.
Learn Scripture.
Love God.
Love people.
These aren't small lessons.
They are foundations.
THEN, AS THEY GROW, GIVE THEM MORE RESPONSIBILITY
Good parenting does not seek permanent control.
The goal is maturity.
You gradually move from:
“Because I said so.”
toward:
“What do you think is the wise decision—and why?”
You want children eventually capable of governing themselves.
Because someday Mom and Dad won't be standing beside them.
They will have their own home.
Their own money.
Their own relationships.
Their own temptations.
Their own decisions.
Their own children.
Then the training becomes visible.
PROVERBS 22:6 IS NOT A MAGIC FORMULA
This needs to be said carefully.
“Train up a child” does not mean faithful Christian parents receive a guarantee that every adult child will always make every right decision.
Children eventually become adults with wills and choices of their own.
Even excellent parents can experience heartbreak.
And imperfect parents can see children make wonderful choices.
Proverbs gives us wisdom about the formative power of training; it should not become a weapon for condemning grieving parents whose adult children have wandered.
Parents plant.
Teach.
Pray.
Model.
Correct.
Love.
But ultimately every child must personally choose what he or she will do with God.
AND IF YOUR CHILD HAS WANDERED...
Keep praying.
Keep loving.
Keep the door open where it is safe and appropriate.
Don't compromise truth to purchase closeness.
But don't weaponize truth to punish them either.
There is a difference between conviction and condemnation.
Remember the father of the prodigal son.
The son left.
The father did not chase him into the far country and finance the rebellion.
But when that son finally turned toward home—
THE FATHER WAS READY TO RUN TOWARD HIM.
Some parent reading this needed that.
Keep praying.
The story may not be finished.
AND IF YOU THINK YOU FAILED AS A PARENT...
Welcome to a very large club of mothers and fathers who can identify things they wish they had done differently.
You cannot go backward.
But you can begin today.
Apologize where necessary.
Repair what can be repaired.
Pray.
Talk.
Listen.
Change.
Model something better.
And remember that God is capable of working in your children's lives beyond the reach of your own hands.
CHILDREN NEED ROOTS BEFORE THEY NEED WINGS
Eventually they must fly.
That's the goal.
But before wings—
give them roots.
Root them in truth.
Root them in Scripture.
Root them in prayer.
Root them in responsibility.
Root them in compassion.
Root them in integrity.
Root them in the knowledge that choices have consequences.
Root them in the understanding that they are loved—but that love does not mean everything they desire is good for them.
And above all:
ROOT THEM IN JESUS CHRIST.
Then when the winds come—and they will—they will at least know where home is.
PARENTS, TAKE BACK YOUR GOD-GIVEN PLACE
Not through domination.
Not fear.
Not authoritarian cruelty.
Through faithful, loving, consistent leadership.
You are not merely your child's chauffeur.
ATM.
Roommate.
Buddy.
Social-media photographer.
Or emergency problem solver.
You have been entrusted with something precious:
A DEVELOPING HUMAN LIFE.
Teach.
Correct.
Encourage.
Listen.
Set boundaries.
Explain why.
Admit when you're wrong.
Pray with them.
Pray for them.
Read Scripture with them.
Know their friends.
Know what they're watching.
Know what apps they use.
Know who influences them.
Put the phone down and look them in the eye.
Be present.
THEY MAY NOT ALWAYS LIKE YOU TODAY
But one day they may understand.
Perhaps years from now your grown child will say:
“I didn't understand why Mom said no.”
“I thought Dad was too strict about that.”
“I hated that rule.”
“But now I understand.”
That moment is worth far more than temporary popularity.
Because parenting isn't primarily about producing children who approve of us.
IT IS ABOUT HELPING CHILDREN BECOME ADULTS WHO KNOW HOW TO LIVE.
BEFORE THE WORLD TRAINS THEM—YOU TRAIN THEM
Parents, the world is already talking to your children.
Loudly.
Constantly.
Persuasively.
So don't surrender your microphone.
Talk about God.
Talk about morality.
Talk about money.
Talk about sex.
Talk about relationships.
Talk about consequences.
Talk about character.
Talk about work.
Talk about suffering.
Talk about success.
Talk about failure.
Talk about forgiveness.
Talk about eternity.
And don't merely give them rules.
Give them the reason beneath the rules.
Help them understand that God's boundaries aren't designed to destroy life.
They are meant to teach us how life was designed to be lived.
THE BIBLE HAS NOT CHANGED
Technology has.
Culture has.
Schools have.
Entertainment has.
Parenting trends have.
Society has.
But God's Word hasn't.
And Proverbs still says:
“Train up a child in the way he should go...”
Not entertain him in the way he wants to go.
Not follow him wherever culture goes.
Not surrender because correction becomes uncomfortable.
TRAIN HIM.
Love your children enough to laugh with them.
Listen to them.
Enjoy them.
Become close to them.
And yes, become their friend.
But never become so determined to be their friend that you stop being willing to be their parent.
Because your children can find friends in many places.
THEY ONLY HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE GOD CALLED MOM AND DAD.
Be there.
Stand there.
Love them.
Teach them.
Pray for them.
And when the culture points one direction while God's Word points another—
HAVE THE COURAGE TO SAY, “AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD.”
🙏 A PRAYER FOR PARENTS
Heavenly Father, give parents wisdom for the enormous responsibility You have entrusted to them. Help us love our children without surrendering truth, correct without cruelty, lead without pride, listen without abandoning authority, and discipline with wisdom and self-control. Forgive us where we have failed. Give us courage when doing right makes us temporarily unpopular. Help our homes become places where Your Word is believed, Your presence is welcomed, difficult questions can be asked, forgiveness is practiced, and Jesus Christ is honored. Protect our children from deception and teach them to recognize truth. Give them roots deep enough to withstand the winds of this generation. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries International
Your Feet to the Nations
🌎 Ministry: pomitaly.homestead.com
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📰 Ministry Blog: joybells49.blogspot.com
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