PARENTS, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN?

The Lessons They Learn From You May Follow Them for a Lifetime

Scriptural Foundation: Galatians 5:19–21; James 3:16; Proverbs 14:30; Proverbs 27:4; Proverbs 22:6; Matthew 15:18–19

By James Langston
Senior Pastor, Pilgrim Outreach Ministries International (POMI)

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CHILDREN ARE LEARNING—EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT TEACHING

Parents, grandparents, guardians, and caregivers, I want to ask you a question that deserves more than a passing thought:

What are you directly and indirectly teaching your children?

Not simply what you tell them at the dinner table. Not just what you teach them in Sunday school, during family devotions, or when correcting their behavior.

I'm talking about what they learn from watching you when you don't realize they're paying attention.

What do your children learn when you speak about someone of another race, nationality, religion, or social standing?

What do they learn when you become angry with someone who disagrees with you?

What do they learn when you gossip about your neighbors, ridicule another family member, or celebrate someone else's misfortune?

And perhaps most importantly, what are they learning about Jesus Christ by watching the way you live?

You may be surprised by the answers.

Because children do not simply learn from what we say. They learn from what we tolerate, what we celebrate, what we excuse, and what we demonstrate.

Sometimes the loudest lesson a parent teaches is the one never spoken aloud.

WE HAVE A HEART PROBLEM, NOT JUST A BEHAVIOR PROBLEM

Look around our society today.

We see hatred, racism, jealousy, envy, malice, lust, violence, murder, pride, greed, bitterness, and an increasing disregard for human life and dignity.

We see families divided, friendships destroyed, communities fractured, and people turning against one another over differences that should never have become reasons for hatred.

We hear endless discussions about social problems, political disagreements, economic inequalities, cultural differences, and generational conflicts.

And while these conversations may identify genuine problems, they often overlook something the Bible has been telling humanity for thousands of years.

The fundamental problem is the sinful condition of the human heart.

Jesus declared in Matthew 15:19:

"For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies."

Notice where Jesus placed the source of these destructive behaviors.

Not in a person's skin color.

Not in their nationality.

Not in their economic standing.

Not in their educational background.

He placed it in the heart.

This does not mean that circumstances, upbringing, trauma, and social influences are unimportant. They certainly influence human behavior. But Scripture teaches that changing external circumstances alone cannot accomplish the spiritual transformation humanity desperately needs.

That transformation begins when the heart is surrendered to God.

SIN: THE THREE-LETTER WORD WE RARELY WANT TO HEAR

There was a time when the word sin was commonly heard from pulpits, discussed in Christian homes, and understood as something that separated humanity from a holy God.

Today, we frequently hear different descriptions.

Hatred becomes an attitude problem.

Envy becomes ambition.

Pride becomes self-confidence.

Lust becomes personal freedom.

Malice becomes justified retaliation.

Jealousy becomes proof of love.

And sinful behavior is sometimes dismissed as simply being human.

But changing the terminology does not change the spiritual reality.

Sin does not cease to exist because society becomes uncomfortable discussing it.

Galatians 5:19–21 identifies the works of the flesh, including adultery, fornication, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, envyings, and murders.

The Apostle Paul did not present these as harmless personality differences.

He identified them as manifestations of a life controlled by the flesh rather than the Spirit of God.

And here is something every parent should understand:

The sins we refuse to confront in ourselves can become the behaviors our children learn to accept.

If a father regularly expresses hatred toward another race, his children may grow up believing that hatred is normal.

If a mother continually speaks maliciously about others, her children may conclude that tearing people down is an acceptable way to handle disagreements.

If parents constantly compare themselves with others, their children may develop the same destructive habits of jealousy and envy.

If children see adults professing Christianity on Sunday while practicing cruelty, dishonesty, and prejudice throughout the week, what conclusion might they draw about the sincerity of Christian faith?

Parents, our example matters.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFULLY TAUGHT

In the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical South Pacific, which premiered in 1949 and was adapted into a motion picture in 1958, there is a powerful song titled "You've Got to Be Carefully Taught."

Its message confronts a painful reality: prejudice and hatred are often passed from one generation to the next.

The song challenges the idea that children naturally understand racial divisions and inherited hostility in the same way adults sometimes do.

Instead, it draws attention to the influence of families, communities, and cultural expectations in shaping attitudes toward others.

Although the song was written decades ago, its central warning remains relevant.

Think about that for a moment.

A child is not born knowing which neighbor the family despises.

A child does not automatically understand why one nationality should supposedly be considered superior to another.

A child must learn the prejudices, suspicions, and resentments that adults choose to communicate.

And those lessons may be delivered through words, jokes, facial expressions, casual conversations, and even silence.

Parents, if children can be taught to hate, shouldn't we be even more intentional about teaching them to love?

The world does not need another generation trained to carry forward the bitterness of the previous one.

It needs children who understand the dignity of every human being, the destructive consequences of sin, and the transforming power of Jesus Christ.

FOUR SCRIPTURAL WARNINGS WE CANNOT IGNORE

1. Galatians 5:19–21 — The Works of the Flesh

Paul identifies behaviors and attitudes that are contrary to God's holiness.

The warning is clear: sin is not limited to what we do physically. It includes the attitudes and desires that influence our decisions.

Parents must teach their children that obedience to God involves more than avoiding visible wrongdoing.

It includes allowing the Holy Spirit to transform their thoughts, motives, and desires.

2. James 3:16 — The Destructive Power of Envy

"For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work."

Envy does not simply make someone unhappy with what they possess.

It can create an environment of bitterness, resentment, competition, and hostility.

A home dominated by envy and strife can become a place where children learn insecurity rather than gratitude.

3. Proverbs 14:30 — The Poison of Envy

"A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."

What a powerful picture!

Envy eats away at contentment and peace. It damages relationships and can consume a person's emotional and spiritual well-being.

Teach your children to celebrate the blessings of others rather than resent them.

Someone else's success does not mean God has forgotten you.

4. Proverbs 27:4 — The Danger of Jealousy

"Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?"

Uncontrolled jealousy can become destructive.

It can poison marriages, divide families, ruin friendships, and fuel behavior that a person may later deeply regret.

And parents who excuse jealousy in themselves should not be surprised when their children begin demonstrating the same behavior.

WHAT ABOUT CONCUPISCENCE?

This is a word we rarely hear in everyday conversations.

Concupiscence refers to powerful, disordered desires or cravings, particularly those that draw us toward sinful behavior.

In biblical usage, it often describes lustful or corrupt desires that stand opposed to God's will.

Colossians 3:5 includes "evil concupiscence" among the sinful things believers are commanded to put to death.

Consider the messages children encounter through entertainment, advertising, social media, music, and online influences.

They are continually exposed to competing ideas about sexuality, personal gratification, relationships, and self-control.

Parents cannot control every message their children encounter.

But they can teach their children how to evaluate those messages through the Word of God.

They can model purity, self-control, respect, and healthy boundaries.

And they can create an environment where difficult questions are answered with biblical truth, compassion, and honesty rather than shame or hostility.

What children are taught to desire will often influence what they eventually pursue.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DISCIPLINE AND DISCIPLESHIP

Proverbs 22:6 teaches:

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

This verse reminds parents of the lasting importance of spiritual instruction. It is a principle of godly training, not a guarantee that children will never make wrong choices.

But there is a difference between merely disciplining children and intentionally discipling them.

Discipline addresses behavior.

Discipleship addresses the heart, character, spiritual understanding, and relationship with God.

A child may learn not to use hateful language because punishment follows.

But have they learned why hatred is wrong?

Have they learned that every human being is created in the image of God?

Have they learned that Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors?

Have they learned that forgiveness is stronger than revenge and humility is greater than pride?

Have they seen those principles demonstrated in your life?

A child who fears punishment may temporarily change behavior. A child who understands biblical truth has a foundation for lasting spiritual growth.

And ultimately, genuine heart transformation comes through the grace of God and the work of the Holy Spirit.

PARENTS, YOUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING

Let me bring this closer to home.

When you lose your temper, do your children ever hear you apologize?

When you wrong someone, do they see you seek forgiveness?

When you encounter someone who is struggling, do they see compassion or contempt?

When another family receives a blessing, do they hear you express joy or jealousy?

When someone of another race or culture enters your home, do they see hospitality or suspicion?

When you disagree with another Christian, do they witness humility and respect or bitterness and division?

When you speak about political leaders, public officials, or people with opposing beliefs, do your words reflect biblical convictions without surrendering to hatred?

And when you make a mistake, do you acknowledge it?

One of the most powerful lessons a parent can teach a child is that being a Christian does not mean pretending to be perfect. It means being willing to repent when we are wrong.

Your children need to see more than your religious practices.

They need to see your faith in action.

WHAT SHOULD WE BE TEACHING INSTEAD?

Galatians 5:22–23 provides the answer by describing the fruit of the Spirit:

Love. Joy. Peace. Longsuffering. Gentleness. Goodness. Faith. Meekness. Temperance.

Imagine what our families, communities, churches, and nation might look like if these qualities were intentionally cultivated in every Christian home.

Instead of teaching hatred, demonstrate love.

Instead of encouraging jealousy, cultivate gratitude.

Instead of excusing malice, practice forgiveness.

Instead of celebrating pride, demonstrate humility.

Instead of surrendering to lust, teach purity and self-control.

Instead of responding to every offense with anger, demonstrate patience and wisdom.

And instead of teaching children to fear everyone who looks, thinks, or lives differently, teach them to recognize the God-given dignity of every human being.

That does not require abandoning biblical convictions.

It requires demonstrating those convictions through the character of Jesus Christ.

A WORD TO THE CHURCH

Church, we have a responsibility here, too.

Sunday school teachers, youth pastors, ministry leaders, and pastors must not assume that every child attending church is receiving sound biblical instruction at home.

Some children live in homes filled with love and spiritual encouragement.

Others experience hostility, prejudice, neglect, instability, or confusion.

For some, the church may be one of the few places where they consistently encounter adults who model patience, kindness, integrity, and Christlike love.

We must take that responsibility seriously.

We cannot preach love while practicing favoritism.

We cannot condemn hatred while excusing our own prejudices.

We cannot call others to repentance while refusing to examine our own hearts.

And we cannot expect the next generation to demonstrate a Christianity that we ourselves are unwilling to live.

The credibility of our Christian witness depends not merely on the truth we proclaim but also on whether our lives reflect that truth.

THE QUESTION EVERY PARENT MUST ANSWER

Parents, I want to leave you with something to consider.

Suppose your children grew up to become exactly like you.

They adopted your attitudes toward other people.

They repeated your conversations.

They demonstrated your reactions to disappointment, conflict, and disagreement.

They treated their spouses the way you treat yours.

They developed your habits, priorities, prejudices, and understanding of God.

Would you be pleased with the adults they became?

That is not a question designed to condemn anyone.

It is an invitation to honest self-examination.

Because while we cannot change yesterday, we can repent today and begin demonstrating something better tomorrow.

And if your children are already grown, it is not necessarily too late.

You can still apologize.

You can still seek reconciliation.

You can still demonstrate that God changes hearts.

You can still become a living testimony of His grace.

A FINAL THOUGHT: WHAT WILL YOUR CHILDREN CARRY INTO TOMORROW?

The hatred we witness in society did not suddenly appear overnight.

Neither did jealousy, envy, malice, racism, lust, greed, or pride.

These manifestations of humanity's fallen nature have existed for generations.

But they do not have to define the next generation.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ offers something the world cannot manufacture through education, legislation, cultural reform, or human effort alone.

A new heart. A transformed life. A restored relationship with God.

Second Corinthians 5:17 reminds us:

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

Parents, your children are learning something from you every single day.

The question is not whether you are teaching them.

The question is WHAT you are teaching them—and whether those lessons are drawing them closer to Jesus Christ or further away from Him.

Choose carefully.

Teach intentionally.

Live faithfully.

Repent sincerely.

Love unconditionally.

And remember: The attitudes you demonstrate today may become the convictions your children carry into tomorrow.

LET US PRAY

Heavenly Father,

We come before You recognizing that our homes, families, churches, and communities desperately need Your wisdom and transforming power.

Forgive us for the times we have allowed jealousy, envy, hatred, prejudice, pride, bitterness, and selfish desires to influence our words and actions.

Search our hearts, Lord. Reveal those things that do not please You.

Help every parent, grandparent, guardian, and caregiver understand the tremendous responsibility of influencing the next generation.

Teach us to demonstrate love where hatred has existed, forgiveness where bitterness has taken root, and humility where pride has ruled.

Protect our children from destructive influences. Give them discernment to recognize what is right, courage to reject what is wrong, and hearts that desire to know and follow Jesus Christ.

Strengthen our churches to become places where biblical truth is faithfully taught and Christlike love is genuinely practiced.

And Father, let the change we desire to see in our children begin within our own hearts.

In the precious and mighty name of Jesus Christ, we pray.

Amen.

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HELP US REACH THE NEXT GENERATION FOR CHRIST

At Pilgrim Outreach Ministries International (POMI), we believe that reaching children and families with the Gospel of Jesus Christ is one of the most important investments we can make in the future.

Through evangelism, discipleship, educational sponsorships, family outreach, and practical assistance in the Philippines and throughout Asia, we are working to help children and families discover the hope and transforming power of Jesus Christ.

But we cannot do it alone.

Your prayers, encouragement, financial support, and willingness to share our ministry messages can help us reach one more child, one more parent, one more family, and ultimately one more soul for Christ.

HELP US HELP THEM—ONE SOUL AT A TIME.

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