WHO IS RAISING OUR CHILDREN?
If Parents Don't Take the Lead, Someone—or Something—Else Will
There was a time when asking, “Who is responsible for raising a child?” would have produced a fairly simple answer.
The parents.
Today, the answer seems considerably more complicated.
Is it the school?
Government?
The church?
Society?
Social media?
TikTok, Instagram and YouTube?
Apps, smartphones and video games?
Dr. Benjamin Spock's philosophy of parenting?
Therapists?
Psychiatrists?
Parents?
Jesus Christ?
The Bible?
Perhaps before answering, we should ask an even more uncomfortable question:
WHO IS ACTUALLY RAISING OUR CHILDREN RIGHT NOW?
Because whoever—or whatever—receives a child's attention, establishes his values, answers her deepest questions, defines right and wrong, shapes identity, determines heroes, normalizes behavior and teaches what life is supposed to mean is doing far more than entertaining or educating that child.
It is helping raise that child.
And if parents surrender that responsibility by default, somebody else will gladly accept the job.
LET'S FIRST ACKNOWLEDGE SOMETHING: OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT ALL FALLING APART
It would be unfair and inaccurate to look at today's young people and conclude that an entire generation is lost.
It isn't.
There are wonderful children and teenagers everywhere.
They are compassionate.
Creative.
Intelligent.
Generous.
Curious.
Resilient.
Entrepreneurial.
Technologically gifted.
Many genuinely want to make the world better.
CDC data show that most younger children display important signs of healthy development and flourishing. Among children ages 6 months through 5 years, 78% displayed all four measured flourishing indicators in national 2022–2023 data; among children ages 6–17, 60% displayed all three measured indicators.
So the proverbial glass is certainly not empty.
But is it half-full or half-empty?
That depends partly upon where we look.
Because there are warning signs we would be foolish to ignore.
SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO OUR CHILDREN
According to the CDC's current national mental-health data, 29% of American high-school students—nearly one in three—reported that their mental health was not good most of the time or always during the previous 30 days.
That deserves our attention.
Not panic.
Not political exploitation.
Attention.
Meanwhile, technology is reaching children remarkably early.
A 2025 Pew Research Center study found that 51% of parents with children age 12 or younger said their child watches YouTube daily. Even among children younger than two, 35% were reported to watch it daily. Pew also found that some children were using social-media platforms despite their young ages.
And perhaps most revealing:
Eight in ten parents of children 12 or younger said social media's harms outweigh its benefits for their child.
Parents themselves know something has changed.
The question is what we are going to do about it.
THE RUBBER DUCKY ON THE POND
Picture a little rubber duck floating on a pond.
It doesn't determine where it is going.
It has no rudder.
No compass.
No destination.
No plan.
Whichever way the wind blows, it goes.
If the current changes, its direction changes.
If the wind reverses, it reverses.
Without a moral compass, human beings can become much the same.
Whatever society celebrates today, we celebrate.
Whatever becomes popular tomorrow, we follow.
Whatever the algorithm places before us repeatedly begins to feel normal.
Whatever our friends approve becomes acceptable.
Whatever culture rejects becomes embarrassing.
The wind blows—and we move.
But children were not created to drift through life.
They need direction.
Purpose.
Boundaries.
Truth.
Identity.
Love.
Discipline.
Grace.
And a moral compass strong enough to say:
“Everybody may be going that direction, but we are not.”
For the Christian family, that compass is not popular opinion.
It is the Word of God.
SO WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?
Let's take the candidates one at a time.
IS IT THE SCHOOL?
Schools have an enormously important responsibility.
Teachers educate.
They encourage.
They identify talents.
They sometimes recognize learning difficulties that parents haven't noticed.
A good teacher can permanently change a child's life.
Schools can also provide stability, friendships, extracurricular activities, nutrition, counseling and opportunities that children might not otherwise receive.
But teachers were never intended to replace parents.
A teacher may have 20, 25 or 30 children in a classroom.
You have your child for a lifetime.
Schools should educate children.
Parents must raise them.
Those responsibilities can complement each other beautifully.
They should not be confused.
IS IT THE GOVERNMENT?
Government has legitimate responsibilities toward children.
Protect them from abuse and exploitation.
Establish reasonable safety standards.
Provide systems of public education.
Enforce laws.
Protect children's legal rights.
Intervene when children face genuine danger.
But government cannot manufacture a loving home.
Congress cannot legislate a father's embrace.
A government agency cannot replace a mother's presence.
No federal program can sit beside your child's bed and say:
“I love you. Tell me what happened today.”
Government has a role.
It should not have the primary role.
IS IT THE CHURCH?
The Church has an enormous responsibility too.
Teach Scripture.
Preach Christ.
Disciple believers.
Provide godly examples.
Support families.
Teach children and teenagers.
Create healthy community.
Help hurting families.
But parents sometimes make a serious mistake.
We bring our children to church for an hour or two each week and expect the children's ministry, youth pastor or Sunday-school teacher to undo everything influencing them during the other hundred-plus waking hours.
That isn't realistic.
The Church should reinforce what is being taught at home.
It cannot substitute for what isn't happening there.
The Bible does not say:
“Sunday-school teachers, train up a child.”
It places profound responsibility upon the family.
IS SOCIETY RAISING THEM?
Whether we intend it or not—
yes.
Culture teaches.
Advertising teaches.
Music teaches.
Movies teach.
Celebrities teach.
Friends teach.
Fashion teaches.
Politics teaches.
Athletes teach.
Influencers teach.
Every culture communicates messages about what makes someone successful, attractive, important and worthy.
Our children absorb those messages.
That means parents cannot merely tell children what not to believe.
We must give them something stronger to believe.
ARE SOCIAL MEDIA, APPS AND GAMES RAISING THEM?
Increasingly, they are helping do exactly that.
Not because every app is evil.
Not because every video game is harmful.
Not because social media has no benefits.
Technology can educate.
Connect.
Inspire.
Entertain.
Teach skills.
Expose young people to cultures and ideas they might never otherwise encounter.
But technology also competes for something extraordinarily valuable:
YOUR CHILD'S ATTENTION.
And attention eventually becomes influence.
Recent Pew research found that parents of teenagers are more likely to say social media hurts rather than helps their teen's mental health. Roughly four in ten parents also say it hurts their teen's sleep and productivity.
Interestingly, teenagers themselves increasingly recognize the problem.
In Pew's 2025 research, 45% of teens said they spend too much time on social media, up substantially from earlier surveys, while 44% said they had already tried cutting back.
That should tell us something.
Our children sometimes know the digital world is consuming too much of them.
They may simply need adults courageous enough to establish boundaries.
WHAT ABOUT DR. BENJAMIN SPOCK?
For generations, parents have looked to experts for guidance, and Dr. Benjamin Spock became perhaps the most famous American parenting authority of the twentieth century.
His work encouraged parents to trust themselves and often challenged rigid approaches to child-rearing.
Some of his advice helped parents.
Some of his ideas were criticized.
Later generations of experts challenged previous generations, just as future experts will undoubtedly challenge ours.
That teaches us something important:
Parenting theories change.
God's Word does not.
Human expertise can be valuable.
We should learn from good research.
But Christians should be cautious about allowing any parenting philosophy—whether traditional or modern—to become our ultimate authority.
WHAT ABOUT THERAPISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS?
They can be tremendously important.
Let us be very clear about this.
A child struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, developmental difficulties, behavioral disorders or another serious mental-health concern may genuinely need professional help.
Seeking qualified assistance is not parental failure.
CDC data indicate that 20% of adolescents reported receiving mental-health therapy during the measured 2021–2023 period, while another 20% of adolescents ages 12–17 reported unmet mental-health-care needs.
Good therapists and psychiatrists can help children and families understand problems, develop coping skills, diagnose illnesses and provide appropriate treatment.
But a therapist should not have to become the parent.
Professional care can support the family.
It cannot replace the family.
And for Christian parents, seeking professional help and seeking God are not mutually exclusive.
We can pray and go to the doctor.
Read Scripture and talk with a counselor.
Trust God and accept appropriate treatment.
Wisdom doesn't require us to choose between faith and legitimate help.
THEN WHO HAS THE PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY?
PARENTS.
That answer may not be fashionable.
It may not always be comfortable.
But it is difficult to escape.
Scripture says:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6
Deuteronomy goes even deeper.
God instructed His people to teach His words diligently to their children—
when sitting at home,
when walking along the way,
when lying down,
and when rising up.
See Deuteronomy 6:6–7.
Notice what that describes.
Not one weekly religious lesson.
A lifestyle.
Faith around the dinner table.
Faith in the car.
Faith when somebody gets hurt.
Faith when money is tight.
Faith when a child makes a mistake.
Faith when Dad has to apologize.
Faith when Mom doesn't know the answer.
Faith when prayers seem unanswered.
Faith when society says something completely different from Scripture.
Children need to see Christianity lived, not merely discussed.
“BUT PASTOR, PARENTS AREN'T PERFECT.”
Of course not.
Neither am I.
Neither are you.
Parenting isn't about perfection.
Sometimes one of the most powerful things a child can hear from a parent is:
“I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
That teaches humility.
Or:
“I don't know the answer. Let's find it together.”
That teaches honesty.
Or:
“I know everybody else is doing it, but this family belongs to God.”
That teaches conviction.
Or simply:
“Put the phone down. Let's talk.”
That teaches presence.
Your children don't need flawless parents.
They need present parents.
BEFORE WE BLAME THE CHILDREN, LOOK IN THE MIRROR
This may be the hardest part of the conversation.
Adults complain that children are addicted to phones.
How much time are we spending on ours?
Adults complain children don't communicate.
Do we listen when they try?
Adults complain children don't respect authority.
Do they watch us disrespect every authority with whom we disagree?
Adults complain young people are materialistic.
What have they watched us chase?
Adults complain children don't read Scripture.
Do they ever see us reading it?
Pew found that 65% of parents of children 12 and younger said they themselves spend too much time on their smartphones, while 47% said they spend too much time on social media.
That puts some of the responsibility squarely back where it belongs.
Children learn from what we teach.
But they also learn from what we demonstrate.
JESUS CHRIST MUST BE MORE THAN A SUNDAY SUBJECT
Christian parents cannot outsource Jesus.
Not to the pastor.
Not to children's church.
Not to Christian school.
Not to grandparents.
Your children need to understand that Jesus Christ isn't simply someone we discuss on Sunday morning.
He is Lord on Monday.
Tuesday.
Wednesday.
Thursday.
Friday.
Saturday.
And Sunday.
They need to know why we pray.
Why we forgive.
Why we tell the truth.
Why sex is sacred.
Why human life has value.
Why we serve others.
Why we give.
Why we don't follow every cultural trend.
Why we love people with whom we disagree.
Why we repent.
Why we believe right and wrong ultimately come from somewhere higher than personal preference.
Without that foundation, morality can become:
“Whatever feels right to me.”
But feelings change.
Culture changes.
Popular opinion changes.
Algorithms change.
God's truth gives us an anchor.
THE BIBLE IS A COMPASS, NOT A CAGE
Sometimes biblical boundaries are portrayed as though God is trying to prevent young people from enjoying life.
The opposite is true.
A guardrail beside a mountain road doesn't exist because somebody hates drivers.
It exists because there is a cliff.
God's commandments establish boundaries because choices have consequences.
The Bible teaches honesty because lies destroy trust.
Faithfulness because betrayal destroys relationships.
Self-control because uncontrolled appetites eventually control us.
Forgiveness because bitterness poisons the person carrying it.
Humility because pride blinds us.
Compassion because people matter.
Purity because bodies and relationships matter.
Responsibility because choices matter.
Love because people matter to God.
That's not imprisonment.
That's direction.
PARENTS, TAKE BACK THE STEERING WHEEL
You cannot control everything your child encounters.
Nor should you try.
Eventually our children become adults and make their own decisions.
Our job isn't to produce children incapable of functioning without us.
Our job is to prepare them to function wisely when we aren't there.
Teach them how to think.
Teach them how to pray.
Teach them Scripture.
Teach them to recognize manipulation.
Teach them how algorithms work.
Teach them that popularity isn't truth.
Teach them to work.
Teach them responsibility.
Teach them compassion.
Teach them how to lose.
Teach them how to win graciously.
Teach them that actions have consequences.
Teach them that mistakes don't have to define their future.
Teach them to ask questions.
And please—
TEACH THEM ABOUT JESUS.
AND CHILDREN NEED SOMETHING ELSE: TIME
Sometimes we try to buy what our children actually want us to give.
Ourselves.
The latest phone cannot replace conversation.
Another video game cannot replace throwing a ball together.
Money cannot replace encouragement.
A vacation cannot compensate for being emotionally absent the other 51 weeks of the year.
Sometimes ministry, careers, businesses and even good causes can become excuses for neglecting the people God placed closest to us.
Children spell love in many ways.
One of them is:
T-I-M-E.
WHAT ABOUT SINGLE PARENTS AND STRUGGLING FAMILIES?
This message should never become another burden placed upon people already carrying enormous loads.
Some mothers are doing the work of two parents.
Some fathers are.
Some grandparents are raising grandchildren.
Some children are living with foster or adoptive families.
Some parents work multiple jobs.
Some homes are dealing with disability, illness, deployment, incarceration, abandonment or grief.
The answer isn't condemnation.
This is where the Church should become family.
Mentors matter.
Grandparents matter.
Teachers matter.
Coaches matter.
Pastors matter.
Counselors matter.
Neighbors matter.
Healthy communities matter.
Parents retain the primary responsibility where possible, but none of us was meant to raise children entirely alone.
SO—WHO SHOULD RAISE OUR CHILDREN?
Here is my answer.
Parents should lead.
Jesus Christ should be Lord.
The Bible should provide the moral compass.
The Church should reinforce and support.
Schools should educate and develop.
Government should protect legitimate rights and safety without attempting to replace the family.
Qualified therapists and psychiatrists should help when professional care is needed.
Society should recognize that children are not commodities.
Technology should remain a tool—not become the parent.
And all of us should remember:
CHILDREN ARE WATCHING.
THE GLASS ISN'T EMPTY YET
I refuse to write off this generation.
I see too much potential.
Too much intelligence.
Too much compassion.
Too much creativity.
Too much possibility.
Our children aren't the enemy.
They're the mission field sitting at our dinner tables.
Perhaps the problem isn't simply that this generation has lost its way.
Perhaps too many adults stopped clearly pointing toward the road.
We can change that.
Starting tonight.
Have dinner together.
Put the phones away.
Ask your child what happened today—and actually listen.
Pray together.
Open the Bible.
Apologize if necessary.
Laugh.
Talk.
Establish boundaries.
Tell them why.
Tell them about your mistakes.
Tell them what God taught you through them.
And before they go to sleep, make certain they know two things beyond any doubt:
You love them.
And—
JESUS LOVES THEM.
Because eventually our children will leave home.
They will encounter winds we cannot stop.
Ideas we cannot filter.
People we cannot supervise.
Choices we cannot make for them.
And when that day comes, we don't want them floating across life's pond like a rubber ducky—moving whichever direction the latest wind happens to blow.
We want something inside them.
An anchor.
A compass.
A foundation.
A voice whispering when nobody else is around:
“This is the way, walk ye in it.” — Isaiah 30:21
Parents, we cannot raise our children perfectly.
But by the grace of God—
WE CAN RAISE THEM PURPOSEFULLY.
And perhaps the question isn't whether America's glass is half-full or half-empty.
Perhaps the better question is:
What are we pouring into it?
Pilgrim Outreach Ministries International
Your Feet to the Nations
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